FACING GRIEF

Grief is the natural emotional response to loss, which is often the death of a loved one, but can also result from other significant life changes like divorce, job loss, or illness.

I learned to face a shark head-on.

In my scuba diving lessons, I was taught always to face a shark and keep my eyes on them. They are generally curious creatures, but they have the power to overwhelm and destroy me. My best posture is to face them and not let my fear lead to avoidance.

I was recently mourning the loss of a ministry partner and friend. I wanted to avoid the grief that was lurking in the shadows. But, much like facing a shark head-on, I decided I also needed to face my grief, not avoid it, but deal with it straight on.

Some people actively seek out interactions with sharks; others happen to cross paths with them. Much like grief and loss – sometimes we see it coming, and other times it appears out of the blue. When we are anticipating a loss, we have time to prepare. With a long-term illness or a planned move, we may go through stages of pre-grieving. When the final loss actually occurs, while still very painful, it is not as shocking or unexpected. Expected losses have to be faced head-on, just as much as unexpected losses. Unexpected loss, that which is not planned for and catches us by surprise, can lead us to a state of denial and shock. Once that shock wears off, it is crucial to face the grief head-on.

How do we face our grief? We must give ourselves time, space, and permission to grieve. Grieving takes time, and nobody wants to do it. However, it is essential to give it your attention and confront it. We have to slow down the busyness and make time to face our loss and acknowledge all that has been lost – not just a person or thing, but also the dreams and future you had planned. Working through grief takes time, and healing doesn’t happen overnight. Psalm 30:5 says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” I believe this scripture is speaking in time phases, not literally. Don’t expect that one day there will be mourning, and by the next morning it will be finished. Joy returns eventually, by God’s grace, but it doesn’t happen overnight. That is where you must give yourself time to heal and to work through your grief. Space – having space to grieve is also essential. You need a space where you feel safe, have privacy, and can allow your raw emotions to flow freely and without judgment. Permission – many Christians do not feel permission to grieve. Why is this? We believe we should always rejoice and give thanks in all things. While this IS true, there is also a place to allow our hearts to deeply grieve the loss of people, places, and things that we loved. Jesus himself grieved when the cup that the Father gave him could not be taken away, and when his friend Lazarus died. We have permission to follow His example.

When we are facing our grief, we are not alone. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in Spirit.” He doesn’t promise to take away our pain, but He promises to be near us. Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Jesus himself comforts us. God can heal our hearts, but it takes time.

Grief is scary and can threaten to consume us. Much like sharks, we tend to avoid it. I want to encourage you today that with the Lord’s strength, you can face it head-on.